Mental Health

Growing up, I often felt like an emotional outsider. My feelings would overwhelm me, leading to intense breakdowns and panic attacks, but I couldn’t pinpoint why. Mental health wasn’t something my family discussed, so I learned to shut those feelings down. I don’t blame my parents or teachers for not noticing my anxiety; it’s just how it was.

In college, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and during the COVID-19 shutdown, I turned to substances like marijuana, mushrooms, and cocaine to escape reality. With virtual classes on Zoom, what else was there to do on a Wednesday afternoon? I struggled with isolation, but I found ways to cope, albeit unhealthy ones. While depression was challenging, anxiety was the real struggle. I started feeling anxious even when I was sober, and during my lowest moments, I would go days without eating because I felt so nauseous. Ironically, my tolerance for weed grew so high that it stopped helping. I used to be an active theater actress, an athlete, even a prom queen candidate—someone who thrived socially. But at 19, I felt entirely different. While I had my close college friends to smoke and study with, meeting new people felt overwhelming.

I know many students faced similar challenges during the pandemic. The worst part? I lost confidence and weight. During this time, I was also grappling with my sexuality and my attraction to women, which only added to my anxiety. I began to feel the pressure to compete with other women, not wanting to be seen as "heavy" or "ugly." My self-care slipped away; my routine became: breakfast, hit the bong; lunch, take a nap; dinner, hit the bong and sleep.

Eventually, I realized I had a problem and was diagnosed with Cannabis Hyperemesis Syndrome, which made it clear that cannabis wasn’t working for me. Quitting was tough, but I managed it, regained some weight, and started focusing on my mental health. Now, years later, I see a fantastic therapist every two weeks, eat well, and generally feel good! This is a condensed version of my mental health journey. I still face challenges and sometimes revert to old habits.

The takeaway? You’re not alone. Even if someone appears to have it all together, you never know what they might be dealing with beneath the surface. So today, and every day, be kind. Reach out to a friend and let them know you care!